oh james.... the man who makes it all worthwhile. I didn't know what was missing until he was back in my life. I wandered and wondered and nothing seemed to work. I guess I just needed time to grow up. It seems he (and my mum) knew we would end up together but had they told me before, I wouldn't have believed it. I don't think I was a woman worthy of him back then. Sometimes I still don't. He is more beautiful than any person I have ever met. He treats me like a goddess and an angel and respects me and adores me. In return I take him for granted and give him random moments of absolute, all encompassing love. I wish he knew how much I love him and how much I hate myself for not treating him as well as he treats me. I just don't think I am capable of it. He treats me like a princess and I think I act like one in return. He is just so selfless compared to me. I wish I could show him how much I love him but I am so selfish that I always seem to put myself and my needs first. In the abstract I am selfless and giving and some people even seem to think that I am. I have every intention of being the perfect girlfriend/fiance/wife but I come off as a selfish brat who lashes out in anger and frustration. I try really hard, which leads to the previously mentioned moments of all-encompassing love but I sometimes wonder if he will get sick of the scattered tempo of my devotion and just say, "screw it.... I'm out"
