kittehs

Sorry for the ramble. I just needed to get out my feelings. xo

Still no Spike. it has been 2 weeks today since my baby ran away. I'm still looking and I absolutely refuse to give up hope. James wakes up with nightmares all through the night and has not been able to write anything since Spike took off. I think I've become addicted to Attivan. It's the only thing that will settle me down enough at night so that I can actually get some sleep. Our bedroom is on the second floor and I keep my window open in case I hear him. Of course I hear 'him' every 10 minutes of so because there are about 2 dozen cats that live in our complex (we all share a courtyard/playground) not to mention all the crying babies that sound an awful lot like a kitty crying for his mum. I performed a spell last week and light a candle every night and ask Bast (the Egyptian goddess of cats among other things) to bring my baby back. I hear she likes offerings of catnip so I give her that too.

The Friday before last (Aug 7) was my birthday. I already knew it was going to suck because my baby was missing. Then I got a phone call that someone had seen him. I had put up a poster near the park where the junkies hang out and the hookers ply their wares because it was half way between our old house and our new house. Also, one of my co-workers said she saw a Siamese cat in the parking lot there at McDonalds. I wasn't very hopeful until I got there. There he was in all of his un-neutered Siamese beauty (In case yr the type to read ahead, don't bother, it wasn't him). there he was running down the lane. i followed him and freaked him out because I was practically screaming out "Spike" and sobbing the whole time thinking it was my baby. But he didn't seem to know who I was and kept running away. After about an hour of searching for him I found him again under a house. yes, I was actually lying on my chest under a house where the ground had been dug up. Did I mention that this house was on the corner of what is well known to be the worst corner in all of nanaimo? So I chased this cat around for about an hour and ended my moment of glory by sitting down and sobbing on a broken chair in an alley. my mum brought james down who convinced me that it wasn't Spike. A neighbour of the house I was under came out and told me he had been around for about 3 months and that she had been feeding him whenever he came around. I think I knew by then that it wasn't Spike. he was bigger, and had a darker face and a slight crossed eye. After collecting me from my alley, we went home where I cried some more over my missing baby.

We have met a lovely Bermese kitty who we have named Lady Gaga due to her obnoxious white blonde hair and fabulously spunky personality. I have had numerous phone calls from people who has seen "a furry siamese" out in the marsh behind out complex. I used to get hopeful but now I know it's her and ask people whether it's a short or long haired cat and they always say long. She's nice company when we're out hunting for our boy, along with Paulie and Shadow (the other marsh cats). They all certainly are in need of some love.

Today I got a call from the SPCA that a Siamese had been brough in who had been hit by a car and was in bad shape. They had my poster so they called me. James wasn't home so I called my mum to come to the Vet with me. I went in and he was all broken and hooked up to machines. He looked darker than my boy and didn't show any sort of recognition towards me at all. He looked just like the other kitty (Doppleganger kitty) but I couldn't be sure because he was so broken and drugged and out of it. I cried a bunch for my baby and for this one (still not being sure if he was mine) but I couldn't be sure until James came. James finally got home and came with me to check and said it definitely wasn't him. Spike has one white toe and a crook in his tail (from when he used to chew it). I felt such relief that it wasn't Spike but then I felt horrible for feeling that relief. James and I had talked about going back and getting the street kitty if we could ever catch him (we drove by about once a day) and in the back of our minds we had claimed him as ours. James stayed with him and pet him and talked to him and made him purr. He wanted to take him and tell the vets we would pay for his surgeries but the vet said he was better off just to be put down. They said he wouldn't be able to walk and had suffered so much internal damage that he might not make it even after having his legs amputated. So then we cried some more for the kitty who could have been. We cried because we wanted to give him love and he had been a street cat in a trashy neighbourhood and never got a chance. If we had taken him home last week when I found him, this would not have happened. I feel horribly guilty for that even though there's nothing we could have done.

So now I am back at home and I am exhausted. I am missing my boy and mourning the other one. I will light two candles to Bast tonight and ask her to protect Doppleganger Kitty and to watch after my Spike and bring him home. xo